I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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