hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
