why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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