Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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