Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just tell him i said nine months
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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