So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
