I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
