I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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