just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
