I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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