dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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