New invention idea: vibrating tampons
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
