EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
