Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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