So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
