you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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