Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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