i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
