This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You're like the curious george of whores
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
