Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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