I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
