Sry I called you an 8
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize