I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
