Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
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