I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Too much gin, very little bucket
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
