After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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