We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
