I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
