if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
