The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
