I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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