It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
