I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
