All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
