Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
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I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I still have a little drunk in my system
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It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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