We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
