Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
