dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
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This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
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Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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