he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
