where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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