apparently the secret to your success is patron
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
