Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize