remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
