who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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