Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
