I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
