I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
