Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
