Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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