WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
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He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
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So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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