If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize