dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
