Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
