Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
