Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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