I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
