guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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