ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
no you cant smoke seaweed
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
