he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
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she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
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I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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