Define "chronic" masturbator.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
