I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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