Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
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Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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