You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
