can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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