i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
