Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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