It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
