I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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